Monday, November 22, 2010

Perception of a Woman Vs Man

Women Friends chatting in office.

Woman 1: I had sex last night, did you?

Woman 2: Yes.

Woman 1: Was it good?

Woman 2: No, it was a disaster... My husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes, got on top of me, finished having sex in five minutes, rolled over and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?

Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house and we had an hour of for*play. We then had an hour long session of fantastic sex and afterwards talked for an hour. It was like a fairytale!


At the same time, their husbands are talking at work.

Husband 1: You wanted sex last night, how was it?

Husband 2: Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate, screwed my wife and fell asleep. It was great! What about you?

Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner because they cut the electricity because I hadn't paid the bill; so I had to take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn't have money left for a cab. We had to walk home which took an hour; and when we got home remember there was no electricity so I had to light fucking candles all over the house! I was so angry that I couldn't get it up for an hour and then I couldn't come for another hour. After I finally did, I was so aggravated that I couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another hour!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Eat this and Perform

A guy walks into the pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "I have three girls coming over tonight! I have never had three girls at once. I need something to keep me interested, and keep me potent."

The pharmacist reaches under the counter and removes a brown box with an "X" on it. "Here," said the pharmacist. "If you eat this you'll go wild and nuts."
"Great!" the guys says. "Give me three of them."

The next day the guy comes back into the pharmacy. He drops his pants and the pharmacist looks in horror at the guys tool. It's black and blue, and the skin is hanging off of it.

"That "X" stuff was great, but now I need some Ben-Gay (analgesic heat rub used to relieve muscle and joint pain)," the guy shouted.

"You're not going to put Ben-Gay on that are you?" asked the pharmacist.

"Hell no." the guy shouted again.

"It's for my arms. The girls never showed up."

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Skin Care

Has your skin lost the shine? Here are the do's and don'ts to curb your complexion crimes.

1. Taking hot showers
We all love languishing in a steamy shower but hot water can damage delicate facial skin.

"If you're prone to redness the heat can weaken capillaries making redness worse so aim for a tepid temperature," the Daily Express quoted Shula Starkey, founder of Ark Skincare, as saying.

2. Stressing out
It's well known that stress has a negative effect on health but it adversely affects your skin too. Try yoga and deep breathing techniques and treat your skin to a distressing product.

"The stress hormone cortisol is your skin's worst aging enemy and as we age levels rise.

"Avoid coffee and alcohol to relieve stress as it will only ramp up cortisol levels," said Starkey.

3. Rushing your cleansing routine
The new trend of cleansing in a hurry using packet wipes has many skin experts cringing.

"Inadequate cleansing can lead to bacteria build-up and skin break-outs," she said.

4. Dieting
Sticking to a strict low-fat diet can age and dull skin. Good fats are crucial for skin health, repair, moisture and flexibility.

"Essential fatty acids from oily fish, eggs, flax seeds, walnuts and dark green vegetables are particularly important," said dietitian Tanya Haffner, spokesperson for the British Dietetic Association.

5. Eating sugary snacks
Too much sugar in the bloodstream widens your waistline and can result in wrinkles.

"Glycation is a process where sugar in the bloodstream reacts with collagen in the skin and changes its structure from springy and stretchy to hard and brittle and can lead to premature skin aging," said nutritionist Melanie Flower (natural-health care).

The process is accelerated in people with poor insulin control but Melanie advises cutting back on sugar.

"Snacks containing protein are the best option when cravings strike, especially nuts and seeds because they contain skin-friendly oils."

6. Not wearing sun protection
If you slather on SPF protection only when the sun is shining you're not doing enough, dermatologist Dr Stefanie Williams (eudeloboutique) said.

She suggests using a broad-spectrum sun protection moisturizer with SPF 30-50 under make-up all year round.

7. Neglecting your neck
"You should care for your neck exactly as you do your face so apply all your facial skincare products from the hairline right down to the neck and decolletage," said Williams.

"Use an antioxidant serum under your sun protection moisturizer every day."

8. Not protecting against pollution
"Exposure to environmental pollution plus passive exposure to tobacco smoke can cause oxidative stress and damage to skin," said Williams.

"Pollutants can also make the skin more sensitive to the harmful effects of UV exposure."

9. Drinking too much
Alcohol dilates the capillaries and over time can lead to broken veins and flushing of the face, deplete the body of vitamin A, an important antioxidant for skin elasticity, and dehydrate leaving your skin more prone to wrinkling.

So drink water alongside alcohol and make sure you are getting enough daily fluid, advised Tanya Haffner.

"Six to eight glasses will give your skin the necessary moisture for a dewy look and help flush out toxins," she said.

If you are sipping cocktails on your night out fore-go the straw as the sucking effect encourages wrinkles to form round the mouth.

10. Not sleeping enough
Skin regenerates at night so make sure you get eight hours.

"Studies have shown lack of sleep can increase cortisol levels, which is associated with acceleration of the aging process, reduced collagen production and increased collagen degradation," said Williams.

When you are asleep your skin is better able to absorb products so slather on a rich, soothing night cream with a calming aroma.
 
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