Monday, November 22, 2010

Perception of a Woman Vs Man

Women Friends chatting in office.

Woman 1: I had sex last night, did you?

Woman 2: Yes.

Woman 1: Was it good?

Woman 2: No, it was a disaster... My husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes, got on top of me, finished having sex in five minutes, rolled over and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?

Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house and we had an hour of for*play. We then had an hour long session of fantastic sex and afterwards talked for an hour. It was like a fairytale!

At the same time, their husbands are talking at work.

Husband 1: You wanted sex last night, how was it?

Husband 2: Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate, screwed my wife and fell asleep. It was great! What about you?

Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner because they cut the electricity because I hadn't paid the bill; so I had to take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn't have money left for a cab. We had to walk home which took an hour; and when we got home remember there was no electricity so I had to light fucking candles all over the house! I was so angry that I couldn't get it up for an hour and then I couldn't come for another hour. After I finally did, I was so aggravated that I couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another hour!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Eat this and Perform

A guy walks into the pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "I have three girls coming over tonight! I have never had three girls at once. I need something to keep me interested, and keep me potent."

The pharmacist reaches under the counter and removes a brown box with an "X" on it. "Here," said the pharmacist. "If you eat this you'll go wild and nuts."
"Great!" the guys says. "Give me three of them."

The next day the guy comes back into the pharmacy. He drops his pants and the pharmacist looks in horror at the guys tool. It's black and blue, and the skin is hanging off of it.

"That "X" stuff was great, but now I need some Ben-Gay (analgesic heat rub used to relieve muscle and joint pain)," the guy shouted.

"You're not going to put Ben-Gay on that are you?" asked the pharmacist.

"Hell no." the guy shouted again.

"It's for my arms. The girls never showed up."

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Skin Care

Has your skin lost the shine? Here are the do's and don'ts to curb your complexion crimes.

1. Taking hot showers
We all love languishing in a steamy shower but hot water can damage delicate facial skin.

"If you're prone to redness the heat can weaken capillaries making redness worse so aim for a tepid temperature," the Daily Express quoted Shula Starkey, founder of Ark Skincare, as saying.

2. Stressing out
It's well known that stress has a negative effect on health but it adversely affects your skin too. Try yoga and deep breathing techniques and treat your skin to a distressing product.

"The stress hormone cortisol is your skin's worst aging enemy and as we age levels rise.

"Avoid coffee and alcohol to relieve stress as it will only ramp up cortisol levels," said Starkey.

3. Rushing your cleansing routine
The new trend of cleansing in a hurry using packet wipes has many skin experts cringing.

"Inadequate cleansing can lead to bacteria build-up and skin break-outs," she said.

4. Dieting
Sticking to a strict low-fat diet can age and dull skin. Good fats are crucial for skin health, repair, moisture and flexibility.

"Essential fatty acids from oily fish, eggs, flax seeds, walnuts and dark green vegetables are particularly important," said dietitian Tanya Haffner, spokesperson for the British Dietetic Association.

5. Eating sugary snacks
Too much sugar in the bloodstream widens your waistline and can result in wrinkles.

"Glycation is a process where sugar in the bloodstream reacts with collagen in the skin and changes its structure from springy and stretchy to hard and brittle and can lead to premature skin aging," said nutritionist Melanie Flower (natural-health care).

The process is accelerated in people with poor insulin control but Melanie advises cutting back on sugar.

"Snacks containing protein are the best option when cravings strike, especially nuts and seeds because they contain skin-friendly oils."

6. Not wearing sun protection
If you slather on SPF protection only when the sun is shining you're not doing enough, dermatologist Dr Stefanie Williams (eudeloboutique) said.

She suggests using a broad-spectrum sun protection moisturizer with SPF 30-50 under make-up all year round.

7. Neglecting your neck
"You should care for your neck exactly as you do your face so apply all your facial skincare products from the hairline right down to the neck and decolletage," said Williams.

"Use an antioxidant serum under your sun protection moisturizer every day."

8. Not protecting against pollution
"Exposure to environmental pollution plus passive exposure to tobacco smoke can cause oxidative stress and damage to skin," said Williams.

"Pollutants can also make the skin more sensitive to the harmful effects of UV exposure."

9. Drinking too much
Alcohol dilates the capillaries and over time can lead to broken veins and flushing of the face, deplete the body of vitamin A, an important antioxidant for skin elasticity, and dehydrate leaving your skin more prone to wrinkling.

So drink water alongside alcohol and make sure you are getting enough daily fluid, advised Tanya Haffner.

"Six to eight glasses will give your skin the necessary moisture for a dewy look and help flush out toxins," she said.

If you are sipping cocktails on your night out fore-go the straw as the sucking effect encourages wrinkles to form round the mouth.

10. Not sleeping enough
Skin regenerates at night so make sure you get eight hours.

"Studies have shown lack of sleep can increase cortisol levels, which is associated with acceleration of the aging process, reduced collagen production and increased collagen degradation," said Williams.

When you are asleep your skin is better able to absorb products so slather on a rich, soothing night cream with a calming aroma.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Its My Birthday

Today is my 28th bday. Thanks to everyone who greeted me.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

The Value of A Catholic Education and A #2 Pencil

Little Susie was not the best student in Catholic School . Usually she slept through the class.

One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping.

'Tell me Susie, who created the universe?'

When Susie didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.

'God Almighty!' shouted Susie.

The Nun said, 'Very good' and continued teaching her class..

A little later the Nun asked Susie, 'Who is our Lord and Saviour?'

But Susie didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck her in the butt.

'Jesus Christ!!!' shouted Susie.

And the Nun once again said, 'Very good,' and Susie fell back asleep.

The Nun asked her a third question...'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'

Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Susie jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'

The nun fainted.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Bad Breath Remedies And Prevention

Bad breath is something that most of us are afraid of. In many cases, majority of the population do not know they suffer from bad breath. To get rid of bad breath, we have to take initial steps in preventing bad breath to occur every time you open your mouth.

These home remedies to get rid of bad breath will be helpful for you.

1.The best bad breath remedies is that you have to make it a habit to brush your teeth or rinse your mouth after every meal. Make it a routine to brush your teeth or rinse every night before you go to sleep.

2.Mouth wash is readily available in any medical store. But keep in mind not to purchase a mouth wash that contains dyes and alcohol.

3.Sunflower seeds can be helpful to get rid of bad breath. All you have to so is chew on some sunflower seeds and drink a glass of water ,mainly after you eat a non vegetarian meal.

4.An apple a day keeps the doctor away. It is very much true. Eating an apple daily will help to remove bacteria in the mouth, the main cause of bad breath.

5.Lemon does wonders. The lemon juice mixed with warm water can be used to gargle your mouth to help get rid of bad breath. It a one of the best home remedies for bad breath.

6.To get an aromatic breath, cardamon is the best. Although is it pungent, it will give you good results for bad breath. It is also a mouth refresher.

These home remedies for bad breath will be of good use . But, in order to prevent this, we can take certain precautions to prevent bad breath.

1.It is good if you drink plenty of water. Drinking plenty of water will help to get rid of the bacteria in the mouth.

2.Bad breath remedies is good as it helps to kill the unwanted germs in the mouth. Although, you may brush regularly and maintain a good oral routine, it is important that when you brush your teeth, make sure to use a tongue scrapper to clean the tongue. The bacteria usually stays on the tongue causing bad breath.

3.If these home remedies for bad breath do not work, it is advisable to see a dentist. You may be having an oral disease that needs doctor's consultancy.

4.When you use mouthwashes, make sure that you go in for those that have ingredients of aloe Vera and parsley. It is good to help get rid of bad breath.

5.It is said, tea is one of the best bad breath remedies. Those who are addicts to coffee, it is advisable to switch to tea as coffee frames a thin coat on the tongue which blocks the oxygen supply on the tongue.

6.Now and again, chew on sugarless gum. This will help you clean your mouth as chewing increases the saliva flow.

Bad breath is one problem that many of us face. Follow these home remedies for bad breath and help to prevent them by taking appropriate steps.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Job in a Post Office

Gopal goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"

He replies, "Yes - coffee."

"Have you ever been in the military service?

"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for two years."

The interviewer says,"That will give you 5 extra points towards employment."
Then he asks,"Are you disabled in any way?"

Gopal says,"Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both of my testicles."

The interviewer grimaces and then says, "O.K. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 A.M. To 4:00 P.M. You can start tomorrow from 10:00AM every day."

Gopal is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M., why do you want me to start here from10:00 A.M.?"

"This is a government job," the inter-viewer says, "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point you coming in for that."

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Windows 7 secrets

WASHINGTON: Windows 7 is one of those rare operating systems that seems to keep on surprising you - and often pleasantly - the longer you use it. The surprises come in the form of features and productivity enhancements that didn't exist in previous version of Windows and that have largely escaped the attention of the majority of reviewers and users. Think you know most of the hidden features of Windows 7? Read on to find out.

Turn features off

In previous versions of Windows, you were pretty much stuck with the features that Windows gave you. Or you had to be a veritable hacker to figure out how to turn off or remove features that you didn't want.

With Windows 7, the mystery is history, thanks to the 'Turn Windows features on or off' dialog box. Can you do without the games that come with Windows 7? The media features? The gadget platform? The Windows search service? With the 'turn features off' dialog box, you can remove or disable over two dozen components of Windows 7, slimming down your system and potentially speeding everything up in the process.

To access this little-known dialog box, open the Start menu, and type 'features.' Then click the 'Turn Windows features on or off' entry. To remove a feature, simply clear the check mark next to its name. When you're done, click OK, and let Windows 7 do the rest.

Color calibration

Tired of seeing your digital photographs print out differently than how they look on your screen? Want to make sure that the colors you're seeing are just as the designers intended them to look? If the answer to either question is 'yes,' you need to make sure you're working on a color-corrected monitor.

Correcting a monitor's color is referred to as calibration, and it involves using your monitor's brightness, contrast, and color correction controls to achieve display settings that are accurate. Windows 7 is the first version of the operating system that comes with a color calibration tool built in.

To use it, open the Start menu, and type 'calibrate.' Then click the Calibrate Display color entry that appears. The resulting dialog box will walk you through a series of steps to help you adjust the gamma, brightness, and contrast of your monitor. While Windows 7's calibration tool is not as sophisticated as professional, hardware-based calibration systems from manufacturers such as X-Rite, Data color, or Lacie, it can nevertheless help you to achieve a quick and fairly accurate calibration that may improve greatly on your monitor's current settings.

On the fly power settings

For notebook users, saving power is critical, and thanks to the new Windows Mobility Center, Windows 7 makes it easier than any previous version to adjust power settings on the fly so that you get the most life out of a battery charge.

To access the Mobility Center, hold down the Windows key and tap the letter X on your keyboard. While the Mobility Center gives you access to several features that are critical to notebook users, the Brightness setting and the Battery Status setting will have the most impact on your notebook's battery life. Turn down the brightness of your display as much as possible, and be sure you're using a power setting that's appropriate for your notebook. You can also turn off your wireless card from the Mobility Center if you're not using the Internet. Doing so will turn off yet another power-sapping feature.

Wireless network discovery

Connecting to wireless networks was far from intuitive in previous versions of Windows. Thanks to Windows 7's wireless network discovery feature, all wireless networks within range are quickly displayed when you click the wireless icon in the Windows system tray. If you see a wireless network that you'd like to access, all you have to do is click its name. If a wireless network requires a password for access, you'll be prompted for it once you click Connect.

Keyboard shortcuts

Windows 7 makes good use of the by now ubiquitous Windows key that's a fixture of most keyboards sold for PCs. Typically situated next to the Alt key, the key with the Windows logo stamped on it does far more than open the Start menu.

In Windows 7, hold down Windows key and tap the space bar to get a quick view of what's on your desktop - behind all the clutter of open windows and applications. To activate Windows 7's new zoom feature - which quickly enlarges the contents of your screen for better visibility - hold down the Windows key and tap the plus (+) key on your numeric keypad. Conversely, use the Windows key plus the minus key on your numeric keyboard to zoom back out.

Want to quickly get rid of all screen clutter except for the application you're currently working in? Hold down the Windows key and then tap the Home key. Doing so activates the Windows 'Snap' feature. Tap the same key combination again to return the screen to its former messiness.

And don't forget that the Windows key in combination with the left or right arrow keys on your numeric keypad will snap the foreground application to the left or right of your screen, adjusting it perfectly so that it occupies half of your screen real estate. The Windows key and the up and down arrows maximizes or minimizes the foreground application.
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